Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
I like having conversations with kids.Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?.The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well pee while I’m here…”.Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?.What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?.When you’re 80 and you drop something, you decide you don’t need it anymore. When you’re 20 and you drop something, you pick it up.Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?.What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?.How can you increase the heart rate of your 70-year-old husband?.“It is the Klopman diamond, but it comes with a terrible curse,” she said. During the flight, he asked her about the ring. A businessman boarded an international flight and found a fancy young woman seated next to him wearing a large diamond ring.What do you call someone with no body and no nose?.The second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!” The third one says, “So am I. What do you call it when Batman skips church?.If my body were a car, I would trade it for a newer model.Įvery time I cough, sputter, or sneeze, my radiant leaks and my exhaust backfires.If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels. You know you’re getting older when you have a party and the neighbors don’t realize it.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?.How do you keep a bagel from getting away?.The doctor said, “Don’t worry, those are just contractions.” A woman in labor suddenly shouts, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”.
SPRING CLEANING JOKES PORTABLE
He visited one hospital in Brooklyn and brought along his portable keyboard.Īfter telling jokes and singing songs at patients’ bedsides, he said farewell and, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.” A retired man now volunteers to entertain patients in assisted living homes and hospitals.He told me to stop going to those places. I told my physical therapist I broke my arm in two places.But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was already over.” I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. She said, “So, I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. A woman told her friend, “I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.”.What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?.Patient: “Doctor, you have to help me, I think I can see in the future.”ĭoctor: “When did it start?” Patient: “Next Friday.”.I just saw a grandpa help a youngster who was staring into his phone, to cross the street. So, here are some jokes for seniors that’ll brighten their day with some hearty chuckles. Jokes aren’t funny if someone has the potential of getting hurt by the punchline. And, of course, they’re not mean-spirited. They’re not too dirty and usually reach a pretty wide audience. Luckily, jokes for seniors are a lot of fun. Not being able to be in a room with your family for a year means that you often need the power of jokes to get you by. Jokes for seniors are more vital than ever, as many seniors can’t connect with their families the way they used to due to social distancing guidelines. When things seem dark, a good chuckle can give us a better perspective. Laughter is one of the only tools that can get us through anything.
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